Unfair

I’m speechless and at the time I’m not.

I can still remember that warmth that came from your hand when you held mine, I was cold and it was raining, yet that warmth was all I needed. Things were simple back then, there were no second guessing, we just went with it. We had to, because in the first place we liked different people, we both knew that.

But what was it then?

Remember when you asked me that “what if” question? You never knew how everything went to a complete stop back then. What did you expect me to say? Was I supposed to be happy? mad? Don’t you know how late it was? All the years passed and you suddenly say that out of the blue?

But I didn’t tell you how I really felt then when you said that, because I knew.

I knew how happy you were with her. She made you smile, that smile that I was used to seeing.

Unfair, that’s what I thought, I couldn’t tell you how much that question hurt, I couldn’t do that to you, that’s just how much I cared. It was stupid, I realized that now, I should’ve told you the truth, I should’ve fought fire with fire. I wasn’t blind, I knew.

From the way your hand held mine, those stolen glances, that smile, those memories… Oh who I am fooling, all I really want to say is, I just saw your picture with her, and you were smiling so brightly that it hurt, but there’s nothing that I can do.

I want to erase all those memories that keep on flooding back whenever I see you. I still have the letter you gave me before I left and I read it at times when I feel sad, I lost the necklace though, sorry about that. How can I really forget something that used to make me smile and happy? But what am I supposed to do when each time I remember you, the painful slap of reality never miss and eventually collide with my face, its so painful that it brings me to tears.

Why did you have to be so kind? So gentle? Why did you give me those good memories when all it brings now is pain and misery? I hate you but at the same time I just cant. I hope you’re happy, but at the same time I wish all you feel is misery. I’m bitter, I know, but I’ll never be sorry.

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