Acceptance

I’ve been hopelessly in love with you ever since I knew what it meant.I tried my best hiding it, not telling a soul for I know the harm it’ll do if you knew.

It was painful to see you falling in love with someone else, but it was even more painful to see how happy you were. I just let is pass believing I’ll eventually forget you and what you made me feel.

Until now I regret making that decision knowing how wrong and stupid it was. I could never forget you, I guess I never will. You eventually broke up, but still I didn’t tell you, I was scared, nothing frightened me more than the thought of you knowing. But somehow, I forgot how, you eventually found out about it, and what I dreaded came to be.

My nightmares coming true and the worst part about it was being awake. It was a painful experience, but again, time passed, it usually does even if I didn’t want it to. I didn’t know what happened but things were back to normal, I saw you laughing again, and I was there with you. I tried convincing myself that you didn’t see me the way I wanted you to, but when did my heart ever listen? The time finally came when I wanted to tell you the truth, I wanted it to come from me at least, maybe as a way of saying goodbye, but it was an emotional day and my fear got the best of me.

Not saying a word I left, it was better that way. I planned on starting over again, back from scratch, I wanted to move on and for some time I actually thought that I did, until I saw your smile again. All the blood left my body, I was frozen solid. All those months of effort forgetting, all went to waste. But it was different, it was like we started over again, with me hiding and being scared but trying to look as if nothing happened. No matter how many times I convince myself I guess I can never really forget you. But maybe it’s for the best.

Maybe I really wasn’t meant to forget you. You made a big impact on my life already, you changed who I was before and turned my life around without even knowing it. You will always have that space in my heart no matter how hard I try to remove it.

It’s okay now, I finally accept that what I wish will never come to be, you’ll always have that smile on your face but it’ll never be because of me. You’ll finally find someone and that someone can never be me. But it’s okay, I’ll be okay. I have to, for myself, I’ll also smile, maybe not now or sometime soon, but I will someday, and it’s not because of you nor is it for you, but it’ll be for me.

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